Chloe's Not Scared

Back in the days of adjusting the tv antenna, a miniseries was a household event. For those of you not old enough to remember highlighting the TV guide, miniseries were not quite a show, not quite a movie. They were two to four episodes long with each episode being 90-120 minutes, airing on different nights to boost network ratings. As a kid, I remember them being very long, but in actuality some of them weren’t longer than an average Marvel film. They were edited for built-in commercial breaks and cliffhangers specific to each long episode. Even though they aired on tv, miniseries didn’t have the same terrible reputation as a straight-to-VHS movie. They were serialized and universally-beloved, similar to when authors like Charles Dickens were writing serials, with each chapter printed in the next issue of a magazine or newspaper. But in the streaming era, miniseries became obsolete.

The miniseries thrived in the 90’s and early 00’s, and nobody ruled the miniseries like Stephen King. I define a Stephen King miniseries as a two to four part movie, airing first on primetime tv. No Netflix originals, tv shows, limited run shows, or made for tv movies in one part. I’m talkin’ about the shit that you often can’t get on streaming– the trashy classic cinematic works of art (and you know I’ve seen them all).

The Langoliers

Directed by Tom Holland (1995)

The Langoliers has Twilight Zone vibes for sure. Terror strikes an airplane. People generally don’t seem to like this one, but I think it’s ok if you suspend your disbelief and lean into the campiness. You can pretty easily find The Langoliers on YouTube.

Bag of Bones

Directed by Mick Garris (2011)

Bag of Bones is pretty blah. Pierce Brosnan’s wife dies dramatically at the beginning, so he decides to go to their cabin to be big sad. There he gets involved with a custody battle between a cute mom and the richest man in town. Plus he keeps seeing the ghost of a jazz singer. This one has the feel of a Lifetime Original– it’s depressing and it doesn’t quite pay off. It’s available to watch on Amazon Prime. 

‘Salem’s Lot

Directed by Mikael Salomon (2004)

I am biased about ‘Salem’s Lot because I find the book (at nearly 700 pages) dreadfully boring, but I know it’s a lot of people’s favorite King. A journalist returns to his hometown of Jerusalem’s Lot (nicknamed ‘Salem’s Lot), where he is plagued with childhood memories of a very haunted house there. Kids start disappearing; vampires are behind it. This one stars Rob Lowe. Not much more to say. It’s available to watch on Amazon Prime. 

The Tommyknockers

Directed by John Power (1993)

It’s no secret that Stephen King actually hates this book… that he wrote. The Tommyknockers is a pretty ok story. A Western writer and her husband find a mysterious object in their rural Maine town, and then the town starts going batty. It’s very melodramatic and feels a bit like an Aldi-brand Twin Peaks. There are affairs, angry dads, a surprisingly disturbing depiction of alcoholism, all with a paranormal backdrop. Like The Langoliers, the general premise (which gets lost in the town’s drama) feels like a Twilight Zone episode to me. I did really enjoy this one because while it’s not the best, it’s a blast! The Tommyknockers can be found on YouTube.

‘Salem’s Lot

Directed by Tobe Hooper (1979)

I know, I know, this is a lot of people’s favorite! But do you like it just because Tobe Hooper directed it, or did you actually enjoy it? I love Tobe Hooper, but this isn’t his best. Little Ralphie Glick levitating outside of the window at night is something I’ll be thinking about for a long time, but that’s about it. The ending of ‘Salem’s Lot– if you stick around that long– is Hooper gold, with vampires crawling on their hands and knees out of a dark dusty basement. King and Hooper understood the assignment: vampires aren’t sparkly or sexy, they are scary as hell. For me, it’s just too little too late. You can watch this one on Tubi.

The Shining

Directed by Mick Garris (1997)

Everyone knows the story of Stephen King denouncing Kubrick’s The Shining (aka- full disclosure- my favorite film), so this is where he finally got to make his own. A writer accepts a job as a winter caretaker and drags his wife and son to a remote hotel in the middle of Colorado. He begins to go mad within the claustrophobic halls. This adaptation of The Shining lags a little in the middle, but is otherwise an extremely accurate retelling of the source material. I actually like The Stanley Hotel as the backdrop a little more, mostly because I love the topiary! Check Amazon or your local library for this movie, just make sure you’re getting the right version.

Rose Red

Directed by Craig R. Baxley (2002)

Rose Red is a huge reason why I got into horror, and the sole reason why I got into Stephen King miniseries. That being said, of course it’s going to rank super high! Based on The Haunting of Hill House and the Winchester Mystery House, Rose Red follows a professor studying the paranormal (dream job) and a group of psychics whom she enlists to spend a weekend at a notoriously haunted house. This one is for the fans of horror worldbuilding– my favorite scenes are the lengthy backstories of events that took place in the house, and of course the tour of the house. The performances are quite good even if the special effects are not. You should probably buy this one on DVD (again, biased!), but your local library might have it too.

The Stand

Directed by Mick Garris (1994)

I love obscenely long stories that kind of Stockholm-Syndromes-you into caring about the fictional universe and a slew of different characters, and The Stand definitely fits this bill. In this 6 hour saga set in a post-apocalyptic world after an influenza pandemic, survivors band together and fight for resources. There’s a lot of good v. evil in this one, and depending on if you’re ready for this type of story so soon after our real life pandemic, the miniseries is a fascinating glimpse into an imagined wasteland of biological warfare. Again, it’s hard to find, but check your local library. 

Storm of the Century

Directed by Craig R. Baxley (1999)

This is Stephen King’s favorite tv adaptation of his work, and I hardcore agree! A giant storm is about to hit the East Coast, and a small town in Maine (so small that the grocer doubles as the sheriff and the town manager also works in real estate) braces itself for impact. At the same time, a mysterious fellow comes to town and people keep turning up dead. This is another Craig R. Baxley production, and while I love Rose Red down to my very core, I’ll admit it- this movie works better. Baxley and King are two peas in a pod. They’re both so skilled in pacing and filler, which are the essential ingredients for a miniseries. Storm of the Century is hard to track down, but I recommend either just buying the DVD or checking your local library. You won’t regret it. 

It

Directed by Tommy Lee Wallace (1990)

The first time I saw this adaptation of It (1990), I was on my phone the whole time. Upon a second viewing, I can say definitively that it absolutely slaps. A bunch of kids are terrorized by hallucinations brought on by an evil dancing clown who lives in the sewer. After they banish the clown, move away, and grow up, the club reunites when they hear of more children going missing in their old childhood town. Tim Curry’s Pennywise is goofier than Bill Skarsgard but that doesn’t mean that goofy isn’t scary. This is a very truthful adaptation to the book which goes backwards and forwards in time between the characters as kids and the characters as adults, which changes the story slightly to reveal its deeper meaning of childhood trauma and coming of age. You can catch It on HBO Max.